CPS now has permission to publish a highly entertaining MiIllennial’s perspective. Paul exemplifies many of the characteristics of the 21st century GenY knowledge worker: massive technical knowledge, a graduate education, and a history of entrepreneurship. Born in Tampa, he is an experienced, multi-lingual global traveler and married to a physics PhD student.  Enjoy!

Then go on www.glassdoor.com (or something similar) and see whether your organization also needs to think seriously about collaborative management, collaborative thinking, and the competitive and innovative edge your Millennials bring to the table..

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Almost all of the places I’ve worked (including some rather large companies) treat their programmers like highly trained plumbers they’ve hired to install a new toilet.. “I want all of your technical skills, and no independent thought. Just put it over there where we’ve drawn the circle on the ground.”

“Er, are you sure you want it there? I think that it would be better if-”

“No buts! See the circle? Toilet goes there. We did a user requirements study, paid the consultants (experts, all of them) tons of money for it, and this is where a toilet is optimally situated.”

“I think there might be some mistake, shouldn’t it go-”

“Damn programmers! You think you’re so smart! But you don’t know anything about BUSINESS™! I have an MBA! I’m smart! Smarter than you! I just choose not to bother with petty technical details. Now shut up and get to work!”

“Ok, you’re the boss..”

Two weeks later, when it’s done they say: “WTF, why did you put a toilet in the kitchen?”

“Well, you told me to shut up and put it where you drew the circle. You drew the circle in the kitchen, so that’s where I put the toilet.”

“AAAAH! This is horrible! Who puts a toilet in the kitchen! Programmer, this is your fault!”

“But I tried to tell you-”

“Fine, whatever, we don’t have time for this, it’s deliverable in a week! Take it out and move it to the bathroom!”

“You mean that cube over there on the side of the house with the wooden frame and no roof, electricity, or water access, because you forgot to put those things into the blueprints?”

“AAAAH! My 12 year old nephew is really good with plumbing. He changed a washer in my kitchen sink once when it was dripping AND he’s read at least 3 of those Time-Life home plumbing guides. He knows much more than you! And he’ll work for $10 an hour! Why am I paying you? You didn’t even get someone to install electrical wires a roof in the bathroom.”

“Er, I’m not a general contractor, I’m a plumber. Plumbers install pipes, not wires and roofs. And anyway, your architect drew the blueprints without those things, and you yelled at us when we pointed that out, so we all figured you just didn’t want them there for some reason.”

“OMGWTF! You’re lying!”

“No, I’m not, see, I have a copy of the e-mails right here where we discussed this…”

“*reads for a moment* Hm. ok, it’s true, you’re right. Architect! You’re fired! Plumber, you will now perform both plumbing and architectural duties (for the same pay, and with the same deadline as before.) And install some electrical wires, too.”

“But .. making blueprints takes weeks, and I’m not an electrician or an architect or a general contract-”

“Tut tut, you’re smart, I’m sure you’ll manage. Now I’m going to my club to get drunk before meeting my friends at a strip club later. Oh, and we need the house ready to go by tomorrow, the client just called
(actually 3 weeks ago, but I’m just telling you now) and the timetable has been sped up.”

“Er. I can’t just magic things up faster because the client decides to move numbers on a timetable.”

“They’re running out of money, so we have to get it done. Now get cracking, I’m off….”

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CPS thanks Paul for permission to use the above text on www.c-psolutions.com. Paul, you’re far from being the only person who has told us a story like this, but you have to be the funniest.

Paul also contributed: If Architects Had to Work Like Web Designers

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.

Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: Get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.

Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often.

Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.